thank you

when things mean nothing really. but still they make some changes in your mind. when you leave things like snake callously shed it's skin.....it kind of kills.
nothing in particular, this.
I'll always remember that you were not there when I really needed a friend. how you didn't bother when I was crying. how you just continued killing me when I was living with you.
I'll never forget you, even if you forget me.
I'll always remember the things I went through, and you were standing nearby, not bothered.
I wonder why I never had the luxury of a friend.

random?

So what do you do when you feel bad? like really bad. totally shitty. and mad. and confused. and tormented. and...bad? what do you do?

• feel like placing a 0.32 pistol on the side of the head, over the ear, and shoot at point blank range? finishing it totally? all of it?

nah. that the family won't like. they might feel bad. they already have the previous year's marksheets to grieve over.

• feel like killing the cause? placing a pistol on the cause and killing it from any given range?

nah. jails are scary. plus i fear the ghost might haunt.

then what? talk about it?
but to whom? for that you need a friend. a friend in someone.
you don't have that luxury? aww!
so what?
don't know. for now, trying YOGA!

so much for true love

there is so much more to this. there is so much more she would comfort herself. this is not everything.
so what if she drew her dreams using her favourite colours and he never apreciated the canvas? so what if she had never heard his voice, still it was the best music she could imagine? so what if they never talked, she still listened to all he said. so what if she was mad enough to try her madness? so what? there was more to it. she assured herself.
he would lift her above everybody else, above the entire world, he would colour all her dreams the way she wanted them colured,he heard her voice above all the noise the world would make, he would take her to the world where she belonged with him, he took her up there, right up above the horizon, beyond which nobody could ever enter, he took her to a world she wanted to see, he took her to places she wanted to be taken, where nobody went, nobody saw. he took her in his arms, and she belonged there. they didn't derprive each other their presence. they kept the promise. ah! love is it?
no.
they were in a world, where we all dwell for a while. a world we all love for a while. and later we know that it's dumb and stupid.
true love, they say, makes the world complete. it is powerful. it is a force we all love. but can we keep it without making it just a keepsake? it's difficult. true love! it's beautiful!

I wonder how, I wonder why.......

Now on retrospection, my life, all my "theories" and fundamentals, all that I thought seems to be messed up. Actually, it was done in the wrong style. Not my style.
The point that I'm trying to make here is, that, I could never muster up the courage, to do my own thing, play my own music. That sucks. How can I not even dare to think my style? How can I be such a chicken? Though it was never clear to me, but now I know. My brain is highly influenced by what others think is right, what others feel, and how others see things. Can a human being be any more insane? Insaner?
Nobody can play "you" better than you. And it's all like the fingerprinting region in spectroscopy, or rather the fingerprints of our fingers. No two people are alike. Still there is a stupid competition.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." said our beloved Albert Einstein. Very cool sir! You are a genius, they were right all along.
I want to be what I think. I want to think.
What is the most powerful external force that acts upon my brain? not gravity. not organic chemistry. It's something very insignificant, it's the common people I hate. yes, they influence my mind more than anything! such a moron I am!
Now that i understand what was going wrong with my formulating the life fundas, I'm still caught on a middle ground. why. that's because I'm not always right. I don't always see through things like they way it should be seen. I have my brain already occupied with so much that I can't make space to peep at the larger angle, the better view is somehow blocked.
I have to clear it for myself.
"Everybody's always talking at me Everybody's trying to get in my head I wanna listen to my own heart talking I need to count on myself instead."
How? can I actually cut myself from everything and become a monk?
Yes. I'll be the monk who'll buy a Ferrari! My style! Totally!

nothing really

what if i knew how to create the most complex of computer stuff like in the sci-fi movies, or maybe drive at 300 miles/hour on a busy highway, zip-zap-zoom, or know how to jump off from highest of cliffs and land safely on the ground, or never land and just keep on flying? what if i knew how to write well, what if my hands knew how to express what's in my heart and what's on my mind?

immaterial. period.

it's strange how my heart reacts. no, it's just human. I'm a bad human. no matter how much I tell myself about myself, what prevails on is what I actually am. that's one thing you can't fake, you can't escape. yourself. or can we? i couldn't.
I believe that a man is not one man. he's two men. like they said in Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.
I am many persons.
I am someone I don't want to be, but enjoy being.
I am someone I'm not, but I live that a lot for the world. for the world expects.
I am someone I aspire to be, but I'm not that yet.
I'm someone I think nobody can like, but then that me doesn't care.


the world is just made up of the two charges. positive and negative. that kind of sums up the world, the universe, the entire order. it has so much order. so much regularity. it's all tuned.
so about the charges, ya, they total everything. they denote the balance.
the world is balanced.
chaos is all in the mind.
peace.

here and there

• “Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
• “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”
• You cannot find true love Where it does not truly exist And you cannot hide it where it truly does - The movie ...."kissing a fool"
• Will you love me for the rest of my life? No, I'll love you for the rest of mine. - From the movie Phenomenon
• I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. - Ten Things I Hate About You
• "Don't forget. I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy...asking him to love her." - Notting Hill
• And think not you can guide the course of love. For love, if it finds you worthy, shall guide your course.
• "The only wrong thing would be to deny what your heart truly feels" - THE MASK OF ZORRO
• "When you realise You want to spend The rest of your life with somebody, You want the rest of your life To start as soon as possible". - When Harry Met Sally

a poem by Gurudev!

When I Asked God for Strength
He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face

When I Asked God for Brain & Brown
He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve

When I Asked God for Happiness
He Showed Me Some Unhappy People

When I Asked God for Wealth
He Showed Me How to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Favors
He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Peace
He Showed Me How to Help Others

God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed


- Swami Vivekananda